Thursday, December 27, 2018

2018 to 2019. #LoseRespect #HDBViolinTeacher #YouTube #Maid #MoneyBuysHappiness

Goddamn, this blog is slowly deviating from its original purpose. Instead of leaving memories, I am just treating this as a ranting platform for my own ego. It has come to a point where I am getting closer and closer to my blog's title of being a narcissistic overrated underachiever. You know how people would look back on their younger self and see the embarrassing immaturity of their past actions and words? Its the total opposite of how I function. I chanced upon this blog a few days ago clearing my history and re-read my own posts and rants, instead of feeling the humiliation of my lack of maturity, I actually feel fking proud of myself and gave myself multiple pats of the back seeing how my brain used to be able to cross reference gaming analogies with real life. I actually chuckled at my own wit and that was the embarrassing part in hindsight. Oh wells at least I am 10/10 self-aware.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What an interesting year. The reason for this ranting post is truly to consolidate my thoughts and also exploring options for what this blog can do (instead of downloading all my insecurities and frustrations on Zoe which is totally unfair and negative, maybe ranting here would suffice). So alot of stories would lack alot of context since I am lazy to provide them and the keywords themselves would be enough to trigger my own memories.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#LoseRespect Part 1

Where do I even begin. Lets start from patting my own back and affirming myself. I am a music specialist that graduated from N*E with a distinction in practicum. I had a god-like mentor that was leaps and bounds ahead of me and every single day in practicum I was learning new things, reflecting on how to improve, linking the theories I learnt in N*E to practical application in school. When I entered my current school, I had a reporting officer who was a Chinese teacher turned Music Coordinator because she could play the piano. She didnt even have the qualifications to teach Music much less any sort of Musical pedagogy. I was a beginning teacher and of course I was humble and kept quiet about things I didnt agree with.

As time goes by, I was trying out new things, kids enjoyed my music lessons. I self-arranged ensemble songs like "Lion Sleeps Tonight" / "Pirates of the Caribbean" / "Shape of You" etc using recorders and classroom instruments. Children enjoyed it. They were practicing their recorders during recess, they were practicing their recorders at home. Students from different classes were exchanging scores to learn each other's songs. Teachers enjoyed watching the kids perform, they gave very positive feedback about using songs relevant to the children and some of them even asked me for the score so they can bring home and let their kids play. Sounds like I am on the right track? My RO told me to stop. Here are the 3 reasons she mentioned.

1) Don't teach the same song every year. Its boring. Teachers watching would also find it boring and question how come every year the P4s play the same song.

2) Don't teach pop songs. Parents MIGHT complain because the songs might contain inappropriate content/lyrics. This is to protect you.

3) Your songs are harder than my songs. Its unfair for students to be assessed differently.

Holy Moly. Just.. Wow.

1) I teach the same set of songs every year to DIFFERENT people? The point is only valid if my entire P4 class retained for one year?

2) Recorder songs have no lyrics. No MV. Its just notes on a stave. However, fair enough since there are definitely some anal parents. I think this is valid.

3) Wow. This is truly the epitome of education not moving forward. The concept of differentiated learning is totally lost on my RO and it is so insulting to think that I would go through all this trouble of self arranging such fun songs just to make things difficult for my students.

Imagine how mind blown she would be if I told her that when I assess students playing difficult songs my standards are lower. Imagine how mind blown she would be if I told her that students enjoy playing these songs and to me it doesnt really matter how well they play as long as they took the responsibility to practice and ultimately have fun.




Of course in the end I didnt say any of it and just let it go. I took her suggestions humbly with 0 resistance. This year I taught traditional folk songs like Rasa Sayang and Arirang. Nth wrong with these songs, the kids still enjoyed them because I am a distinction teacher. I also didnt have to arrange anything new and these songs were easy af so technically speaking my workload decreased. However, when the year closed, feedback from 2 sources came.

1) P4s: Mr Jay, how come last year the P4s learn "xyz" song but we learn rasa sayang instead? When are we going to do those fun songs?

2) P4 form teachers: Jay arh, last year the performances were better, this year the songs abit boring.

Lol. What to do?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

#LoseRespect Part 2

Every year, rubrics have been a big part of discussion. Every year holistic assessments have been a big obstacle to overcome. How do we give a fair holistic assessment and grade students on a fair rubric? N*E didnt teach us shit about assessment. Or maybe I wasnt listening enough because to me music assessment is honestly not a big deal to me. I am always the advocate of having fun in music lessons. Lets be brutally honest. Music results are USELESS. The only time music results were useful to me as a child was when I failed everything else and I went home telling my mom " At least my Music got A" to which my Mom also told me in my face that it was meaningless.

Lets say a child is looking to enter an arts secondary school like SOTA. SOTA doesnt even look at music results from school. They look at ABRSM results and certs. External / Private music education is far more advanced than what we teach in primary schools. To think we spend so much time thinking about what kind of holistic assessments to give and come up with rubrics and descriptors to grade students etc. What a joke.

Every year I seek to improve our assessment rubrics by suggesting changes to make assessment more fun and make it easier. If its easier, we spend less time on useless things like grades and rubrics and more time on actually conducting fun and meaningful music lessons.

Long story short. 3 separate incidents of discussion with my RO regarding assessment.

Incident 1


1) Our Guitar Rubrics are as follows. (simplified for context)



Good
(0 to 3 marks)
Very Good
(4 to 7 marks)
Excellent
(8 to 10 marks)
Chord Accuracy
Able to show proper fingering of 0 to 1 chord
Able to show … 2 to 3 chords
Able to show… 4 chords
Strum Accuracy
bla


Chord changing
bla



Any Tom Dick Harry Ah Cat Ah Dog can tell that there is something logically wrong with these rubrics.

My question to RO:

If a child is able to play all 4 chords perfectly on the guitar. He deserves an excellent. So should he get 8 marks or 10 marks?

If a child is able to play 1 chord, does he get 1 mark 2 marks or 3 marks?

Why is there a range of marks that are not proportionate to the skills we are testing?

ROs answer:

Because we need this guitar assessment to be upon 30. Since other components add up to 70.

Me:
Why do we need it to be upon 30? Why cant we just set it to be 30% and avoid the range?

RO:
Because I dowan to deal with decimals. Because other core subjects like Chinese is not doing that.

Me:
Whats wrong with decimals? We dont even have to deal with it. Excel does it for us. We are not a core subject, we are teaching Music which is subjective by nature.

RO:
Are you not confident of  your own capabilities in handling the assessment? How are you helping the weaker students such that they are able to play more than 1 chord? Do you need professional development to help grow your skills in assessment? If you want to make changes, make it in other schools.

Me:
????????????????????????????

Incident 2

Student A missed 3 out of 5 piano lessons due to religious reasons communicated to the school.
Hence I made the decision to let Student A forego the assessment and pro-rate her results at the end of year to not include Piano.

Student B missed his piano assessment as well as the make up piano assessment due to health reasons.
Hence Student B forego-ed the assessment since the Piano vendors have already left and my RO explicitly stated that I was not allowed to administer the assessment for god knows why. I am waaaay more qualified to assess compared to external Piano vendors but oh wells whatever. Less work for me. 

Student C didnt take the piano assessment because he enrolled into the school in Term 2.
Hence he received no results.

Amazingly at the end of the year, my RO actually questioned me:
Who gave you the authority to decide that Student A shouldnt take the assessment?

Why didnt you get the piano vendors to come back specially just to assess Student B?

Why didnt you inform the school that Student C didnt receive any results?

Can you take assessment more seriously?

..............

Can I take assessment more seriously?

Can I take assessment more seriously?


Can I take assessment more seriously?

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Incident 3

Student S broke his leg. Did not attend close to 4 Ukulele lessons, did not take the assessment due to being absent. After which it was mid year exams and he left immediately after mid year exams to Korea to fix his leg. After which it was the June holidays.

RO:
Jay, when S comes back from after the June holidays. Take some time to assess his Ukulele. 

I snapped.

I fking snapped.

Me:
You are asking me to assess a student who did not complete the course due to an injury, did not practice for 2 months due to holidays and exams? How am I the one not taking assessment seriously? Its a lose lose situation. If I assess him without giving him time to re-practice and he doesnt do well, its my fault. If I assess him and give him alot of personal time and attention and he does well, its unfair for others and its my fault again. How is this taking assessment seriously? How is this not testing for the sake of testing? Why are you making me do this? How does this make sense?

RO:
Are you not confident in your capabilities to handle the assessment? Why are you questioning me? Why are you raising your voice? Since when did I say you did not take assessment seriously? Would you like to go down with me to the principal and discuss this together since you do not seem to agree?


I was sooo fking frustrated with this bitch. I swear. At this point I cant even bring myself to continue typing this post. What the actual flying fuck.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
#LoseRespect Part 3

Have you ever lost respect for someone so much. So so so much that you just feel lazy to speak / talk / justify / look at that person? After all the shit that happened, I was still respectful of my RO. Yes I raised my voice. Yes I was being aggressive. But I was all along aggressive towards the issue and not the person. On the other hand, every time I questioned the rationale of her actions, she would resort to questioning my capabilities.

WHO.ARE.YOU.TO.QUESTION.MY.ABILITIES?

How dare you? A measly Chinese teacher, dare to question a distinction music specialist? The only reason you are my RO is because ur dad fked ur mom earlier den my dad fked my mom. Thats it.

The final straw came. When one day I was called to see the vice principal together with my RO.

Vice Principal:
Jay, according to ur RO, you were rude towards her. She also mentioned that you would go for dental appointments periodically and miss after school activities. She also mentioned you came late twice for the past 3 years. On June 3rd 2018 u said this.... on feb 2nd u said this... on 4th April you went for dental on 3rd march u were late bla bla bla.

In short, this little bitch compiled a list of my shortcomings in the past 3 years and launched a complaint to the school with the exact dates. It was at that moment, I lost total respect for this person. 

Its fine to be incompetent in your job. I am absolutely ok with incompetence, I am the pinnacle of incompetence in NUS. I am used to being carried despite my incompetence. The keyword is to let yourself get carried. My RO refuses to admit her incompetence, feels the need to question my competence, feels insecure about her incompetence, compiles a list of small things including my dental appointments AFTER school just to make her case stronger. 

I am just so blown away. Such people truly exist. And the saddest part is, she is a nice person. The only reason she is like that is because she has no life experience. Teaching was her first job, she was literally my senior both in AHS and TJ and NUS. At 34 years old, she has no bf, no life, stays with her parents and lives in a bubble. She gave her life to work. She was thrown into the deep end of the pool, straying away from her comfort zone as a Chinese teacher and being made to come up with a music syllabus from scratch with no training. At this point, I just feel sad for her. She has no people skills, no leadership charisma, just a nerd living in a bubble.

Anyway heres the funny part. I believe in her head she expected me to be intimidated by this meeting with the VP. However I went into full serious mode and explained every single point from every single conversation with all the rationale. Her facial expression was priceless. She thought she was prepared with all the dates and whatnot but she sure as hell wasnt prepared for the "joker turned full serious mode" me. I am so used to standing up against authority she had no idea. I am so grateful for my NS experience where I went head to head with Majors and Colonels. I am so thankful for having a supportive wife that listened to me rant so many times that when I finally needed to string the words into an argument, I could do it with no rehearsal.

Long story short, I admitted I was rude. Explained I was only rude because my professional capacity was often criticized when I was questioning her rationale. 我是针对事,她是针对人。 Explained how conflicting it was to be told "not taking assessment seriously" and yet ironically being made to test for the sake of testing. VP agreed with me. Didnt even talk about other small things like dental appts after school. I know the VP will eventually play both sides because this is truly a fking small issue. The only person that made it a big deal was my "nerd living in a bubble" RO.

Now, my RO is very polite towards me and vice versa. I have made plans to move to another school. I will continue to fake smile to her. Offer no more suggestions. Offer no more value adding. Just nod and go home at 2. This is how young aspiring teachers get jaded and leave the system. Once again I have NS to thank for allowing me to exploit the system of 铁饭碗. I recall being so upset that incompetent people cannot get fired because they are employed by the government. Now I shall be that fked up person who just exist and stays in the system. I have no aspirations of promotion, I have no aspirations of improving the system. Just exist. 

Which brings me to my next milestone. #HDBViolinTeacher.

#为了你我忍

I can't remember why I started the blog, I've always felt that it was "lame" for guys to blog ever since secondary school unless the blog had a specific purpose that I felt it was "not lame". Eg. I always felt that CK's blog was to chase and bluff those xiaomeimei into thinking he is some superior philosophical intellect when in actual fact he is just a smart troll and therefore the blog had a noble purpose. #respect

As I was re-reading my posts, it dawned upon me that I am the faggot. In the sense that I am actually using this platform as an outlet to verbalize and vent my frustrations whenever I feel extremely overly tilted by life.

With this title and the long hiatus post, here is a brief summary of the changes in my life.

1) I am married for 1 year with a house of our own.
2) I am a father of a cute baby girl of 3 weeks.

At 29 years old, this would probably be the average age for all those to happen. It also meant that the transition from child to adult has to end and I need to be a fully responsible adult asap.

Marriage is an interesting thing. Quick summary on the things I am unhappy about.

1) Having a banquet is a fking waste of money. Its just us putting up a show for people I have never seen / never will see / never want to see for the rest of my life. AKA her relatives.

2) Yes we earned from the wedding, at what cost? All the time / effort spent in preparing, its just so not worth it. Imagine taking the money, time, effort into an overseas trip together, holy fk. It just blows my mind why I have to do it.

3) Retarded wedding customs. As a guy from a Shanghai / Hongkong descent, I have literally ZERO requirements. In my 12 years of knowing Zoe, she has not exhibited a single Teochew quality nor made a statement on how proud she is in being a Teochew. Literally fking zero. Suddenly wedding comes around and we have to start preparing all sorts of bullshit like 4 pieces of gold that she will never fking wear, giving cakes and cans of pork and dunno what fk to dunno what fk people, have to put angpaos and red blanket on beds etc. Now to be fair, she herself has no idea wtf is going on, everything is orchestrated by her parents and that was the beginning of my demise.

Now it may seem that I am extremely disrespectful to her relatives and her side of the family. Yes I am. To be fair, I am not disrespecting them as human beings, I am disrespecting their intellect for forcing me to adhere to their customs and requirements. Its like, there are pro-life people who say that euthanasia should be illegal. Look, its my life, if I want to end it, who would be in a better position to make that decision other than myself? Similar to religion, you are free to believe whatever the fk you want, but do not force it on others. Its the exact same logic. 

People always say "结婚不是两个人的事,结婚是两家人的事”.  Nope. I love Zoe. Only. If I'm marrying their whole family by following the customs then sure, ask her sister lie down also.

At best I am neutral about her family, but fk her relatives (and mine). 结婚 used to be about both families but this is 2017, our parents could all be dead and I would still marry Zoe with zero difficulty in finances.

Its so fking unfair. I have to adhere to silly customs and the entire banquet facade. What if I tell her parents that it is Shanghai custom for the guy to sodomize the girl's entire family? Would that work? Can I turn around and say that they are not respecting my customs if they reject my anal demands? Fair what. And so what if I do not adhere to the customs? You will not let Zoe marry me? Sure. Goodbye to 11 years of relationship because I am unwilling to arrange the set up of oranges in a particular manner at a particular timing.

So as you can see. I am losing control of the things that I am SUPPOSED to be in charge of.
I am the one getting married.
I am the groom.
Yet I control nothing and am being controlled like a slave.

If you ask me, here is my desired "wedding ceremony".

1) Invite close friends and close relatives on separate occasions for a dinner.
2) Announce our marriage
3) Treat them to a sumptuous meal
4) Go on an extremely atas high quality overseas honeymoon trip

No red bombs. True blessings from people. Efficient use of money and time and effort.

Maybe this is part of being an adult? Losing myself, losing my own voice and listening and following blindly? I dunno. All I know is, I love Zoe. so #为了你我忍

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


Fast forward to February 2017. This is the year of presidential elections. Since both of us are civil servants, we have been appointed to be election officials and are required to go for training. Thankfully we were given the choices to select our training dates and we went down for a full day training course together. By lunch, we felt that we have fully understood the course and decided to skip the afternoon session where they simulate the actual day itself. So we went home.

Fast forward to November 2017. I am a father. Fuuuuuuuuuuck.

I swear to god I have been pulling out for YEARS and it has ALWAYS worked. This sperm was one hell of a swimmer. Fuuuuuuuck.

The topic of parenthood came up plenty of times during our dinner dates in the past. Based on science, females above 30 are considered 高龄产妇 and hence has to take alot of injections and tests to ensure the baby is not retarded or something. (The odds increase a few % every few years)

I have always brought up this question "Are we ready to be parents?" Instead of using body clock as a catalyst and reason to have a child, it seems more logical to consider the following factors.

1) Are you ready to commit at least 18 years of your life?
2) Do you and your wife have similar expectations of the child?
3) What kind of opportunities do we want to give our child? And how much before its too much? Do we force it thinking we know better?
4) Finances?
5) 你的梦想是什么? Think about it, it has been only.... 3 to 4 years after we have been truly financially independent. We have just reached a point where we have PLENTY of options to explore. Are you working in a job you like? Are you passionate about the things you are doing? Eg. If travelling and exploring the world is your dream, having a child would surely delay/inconvenience that dream. Are you ready to settle down with a child? Are we going to end up being very negative and end up using the child as an excuse to why we are not achieving our dreams?

People always say "You will never be truly ready". Fuck you. There is definitely a point where a guy/girl is ready to settle down and this is especially true when you are teachers. We have seen enough fked up children and fked up parents to understand what is required to raise a "successful" child in the current meta. We have also seen what it takes to truly commit and be responsible for raising a child.

Here is a simple test to see if you are ready to be parents.
Your child is screaming its ass off in public. How to react?
Your child is violent towards others. How to react?
Your child is doing poor academically. How to react?

There is a high chance that the average person would not know. If all you have is money and a house and not the right mentality, you will just grow to resent the child.

My dear Arelia, I will try my best to not have feelings of resentment towards you. I will try my best not to be a bad role model for you. Goodbye to my comfortable beanbags. Goodbye to my nice padded flooring. Goodbye to my days of rowdy gaming with my 猪朋狗友 late into the night. Goodbye to my privacy of having my own room. #为了你我忍

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Just realized I saved this as draft so as to not hurt people's feelings that soon. Its now 2018. Arelia is 1 years old.  I am starting to treasure and value my own memories and intellect more than the feelings of others.