Within weeks of entering ***, my classmates have made an observation that I should go sell vacuum cleaners. They say I have a very good sales pitch and my demeanor makes a very convincing sales person.
Within months of entering ***, I have been accused of smoking through a group discussion and questioned if I actually read or referenced a legit journal for my assignments.
Did I actually read the journal? No I didnt. Why? Because I used materials given to me by professors. I actually bothered to listen and make connections and related the materials given by module A to be used in an assignment by module B. The prof provided the journal he took the information from, I simply copy pasted the citation.
Did I really go to the journal and cross reference the points mentioned in the journal to the prof's materials? No. Why? Because fk you. Are you really that stupid?
Did I really smoke in a group discussion? No. Since everybody was tired, I tried to spearhead the discussion and managed to settle everybody's roles within 10 mins.
One young fk had the audacity to call me at 11pm, questioning me about the journal article and where it was from, when we actually take the same modules and the prof went through them. After I patiently explained that I did not pull the points out of my ass (exact words used), but rather I took the materials from another module, she questioned the integrity of my work and whether I was "smoking" them in the discussion just now. Wow. Can she get any more dense?
Yes I know I have a very easy going nature. Yes I know I have a very lazy and "joker" personality. And it is precisely because of the drastic contrast between the serious me and the joker me, people tend to take me more seriously than others when I am serious. Because when I am serious, means shit just got real, and people also can feel that. Therefore I am astounded by the lack of EQ from this young fk who had the audacity to question my integrity regarding both the meeting and the assignment.
There is a Chinese saying that goes: 靠人不如靠己. Depend on yourself rather than depending on others.
I have a philosophy. I would depend on everyone and anyone for everything and anything. Only when everyone else around me has failed, I would then depend on myself. I personally think that makes more sense, if someone else can dabao food for you while you seat on your ass and play games/watch videos, why the fk not? Yea sure I have legs and I can go dabao myself, but why the fk would I do that if someone else can do it for me?
End of rant. Moral of the story: I really really really really really need to constantly remind myself to not show too much of my personality in the working world. Just shut the fk up, wait for someone else to do shit, keep a low profile. Just like in NS.
Reminder to self: Don't argue with people higher den myself, since they think they are always right. Don't argue with people lower den myself, since I think I am always right and it takes too long to explain things to retards.
In short, dun argue, stfu, keep calm and "fire in the hole" *psssssssssssssssss* (smokescreen formed)
Friday, October 24, 2014
Sunday, October 12, 2014
I feel very ashamed.
Had an impulse to post this as a reminder that dogs cannot change eating shit. Particularly the dog in this case is me and the shit in this case is me being a fked up person. Not many people know my army stories and alot of people including Zoe has often noticed that army changed me significantly and "for the better".
While army did change me for the better to a certain extent, it taught me so so many valuable lessons in life as I finally had the opportunity to be treated as someone who was expendable/disposable/useless thrash. Not only that, the people who treated me like expendable disposable useless thrash RANGED from people dropping out of ITE (Regular specs) to people who were younger/same age as me that were going to NUS/NTU together after ORD (NSF Officers).
It made me so sick to the stomach everyday when ITE failures were commanding me to do inefficient and pointless things and punishing me for suggesting smarter ways of doing things. It made me even more sick to the stomach when officers whom I had higher expectations of, joined in the fun and ridiculed me further in a more intellectual way. Regular specs would just give physical punishment like PT or confinement, because their brains arent that sophisticated. Officers I had were much worse, they would use the things I confided in them during those mandatory talks to ridicule and humiliate me in an intellectual way. I have to keep this hate alive for the rest of my life to keep reminding myself to be a fked up person to protect myself and my loved ones. Daniel T*n from NUS dentistry. Francis L*m Jia* Xia* from some random poly. If one day I think of a perfect crime and you happen to be in my life, god bless you. (Just kidding..... Or am I?)
Which brings me back to my point, I used to be very straightforward, very positive and optimistic, very blunt with words, but never an evil thought or intention that would harm others. I would stand up for what I felt is right, speak up for people who just accepted bullshit and that really got me into alot of trouble.
After NS, I am scheming, cynical and full of bullshit. I read very very deep in between the lines, I have multiple personas when dealing with different people, I can sense danger of my welfare from a mile away. I am manipulative and cunning in such a fked up way, I would say yes and smile to different groups of people while trying to achieve an objective that was only beneficial to myself. I thought I would no longer require this "skill" to protect myself once I ORD. Sadly, every ICT would awaken this nature and refines this skill further.
I thought to myself, there would be absolutely no need for this "skill" once I enter the workforce, since if I am paid a salary to endure certain nonsense then by all means endure. Sadly, it has awakened once again and I am ashamed and afraid of myself because the people I am dealing with are really weak low level noobs compared to fkers from NS.
How far would I go to manipulate nice people into doing more just so I can do less? How fake would I be to manipulate people into thinking I am doing just as much? How pretentious must I be to create and instill fear into people who dare to approach me to do things? How much of a smiling joker must I be so that when I suddenly turn serious, people wouldnt know how to deal with me? How cruel must I be to humiliate and ostracize people who wayang and spoil market while still maintaining a friendly relationship? How fked up must I be, if I could achieve all of the above while hiding behind a facade of smiles and deceit?
I am ashamed, I really am, and I am feeling that my fangs and claws are starting to show which is why I am writing this emergency post to remind myself to keep it hidden. The more people open up to me, the more I need to pull back otherwise I am afraid they would see the real me. This quote from one of my friends would be perfect to end this pathetic excuse of a post.
All Singaporean guys are fked up. Why?
NS is fked up, and all SG guys have to go through NS. Therefore, all SG guys are fked up.
While army did change me for the better to a certain extent, it taught me so so many valuable lessons in life as I finally had the opportunity to be treated as someone who was expendable/disposable/useless thrash. Not only that, the people who treated me like expendable disposable useless thrash RANGED from people dropping out of ITE (Regular specs) to people who were younger/same age as me that were going to NUS/NTU together after ORD (NSF Officers).
It made me so sick to the stomach everyday when ITE failures were commanding me to do inefficient and pointless things and punishing me for suggesting smarter ways of doing things. It made me even more sick to the stomach when officers whom I had higher expectations of, joined in the fun and ridiculed me further in a more intellectual way. Regular specs would just give physical punishment like PT or confinement, because their brains arent that sophisticated. Officers I had were much worse, they would use the things I confided in them during those mandatory talks to ridicule and humiliate me in an intellectual way. I have to keep this hate alive for the rest of my life to keep reminding myself to be a fked up person to protect myself and my loved ones. Daniel T*n from NUS dentistry. Francis L*m Jia* Xia* from some random poly. If one day I think of a perfect crime and you happen to be in my life, god bless you. (Just kidding..... Or am I?)
Which brings me back to my point, I used to be very straightforward, very positive and optimistic, very blunt with words, but never an evil thought or intention that would harm others. I would stand up for what I felt is right, speak up for people who just accepted bullshit and that really got me into alot of trouble.
After NS, I am scheming, cynical and full of bullshit. I read very very deep in between the lines, I have multiple personas when dealing with different people, I can sense danger of my welfare from a mile away. I am manipulative and cunning in such a fked up way, I would say yes and smile to different groups of people while trying to achieve an objective that was only beneficial to myself. I thought I would no longer require this "skill" to protect myself once I ORD. Sadly, every ICT would awaken this nature and refines this skill further.
I thought to myself, there would be absolutely no need for this "skill" once I enter the workforce, since if I am paid a salary to endure certain nonsense then by all means endure. Sadly, it has awakened once again and I am ashamed and afraid of myself because the people I am dealing with are really weak low level noobs compared to fkers from NS.
How far would I go to manipulate nice people into doing more just so I can do less? How fake would I be to manipulate people into thinking I am doing just as much? How pretentious must I be to create and instill fear into people who dare to approach me to do things? How much of a smiling joker must I be so that when I suddenly turn serious, people wouldnt know how to deal with me? How cruel must I be to humiliate and ostracize people who wayang and spoil market while still maintaining a friendly relationship? How fked up must I be, if I could achieve all of the above while hiding behind a facade of smiles and deceit?
I am ashamed, I really am, and I am feeling that my fangs and claws are starting to show which is why I am writing this emergency post to remind myself to keep it hidden. The more people open up to me, the more I need to pull back otherwise I am afraid they would see the real me. This quote from one of my friends would be perfect to end this pathetic excuse of a post.
All Singaporean guys are fked up. Why?
NS is fked up, and all SG guys have to go through NS. Therefore, all SG guys are fked up.
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